there was a trapeze. enough said
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
