1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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