god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
