Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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