will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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