I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
