i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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