So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
