I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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