Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
