My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
