I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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