she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
