sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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