Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize