Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize