Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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