she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
