She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
