p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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