I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
