Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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