it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
