You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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