My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
