The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
