Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
