she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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