i permit you to call me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
