Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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