All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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