The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
