My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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