I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
