i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
