some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
