if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
