I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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