Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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