im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
