last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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