So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
