Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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