Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
