Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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