For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am naked and annoyed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
