i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
