I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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