Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize