You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
