dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
