I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
