My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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