my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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