Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
