k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize