FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
