I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
