Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
