Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize