I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
