At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize