my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
