you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
