and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
