I will die if light touches me.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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