I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
