no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
