tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize