im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
