it was like eating out sand paper
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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