There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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