i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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