EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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