I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The beer is more important than you right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize