Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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