Are we in a gay sports bar?
I looked at my own cervix.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize