I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
