i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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