I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
