Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
