I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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