Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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