im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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