Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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