i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
