I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
