I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I want is dick and wine.
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