I accidentally had phone sex last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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