Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
