when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
