So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
