You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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