Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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