I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
