Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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