HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
