just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
