All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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