i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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