My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
