My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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