It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize