He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
