Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
