I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
